to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
