I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
