Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
