You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
