yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
