Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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