So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
