And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
