just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
