i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
