I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
