i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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