This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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