Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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