i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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