Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
