You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
