just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
