She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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