She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
