Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
