fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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