when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
