i jhust puked up my retainher.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
