There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
