He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
