I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
