You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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