Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
