You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
