I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
