i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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