The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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