Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
