dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
