the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
