Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
