Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
