Your dad touched me again.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
