i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
