So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
