I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
