i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
When did angry sex become our thing?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
