Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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