If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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