There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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