I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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