i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
