I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
