i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
