when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
