Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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