I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Randomize
